R-E-S-P-E-C-T

I've been working with children in some capacity for around 12 years.  In that time, I've noticed a change in the attitude of children.  The change is in their respect.  And not just their respect for others, but their respect for themselves.  Now, it is important to note that this change does not come from the kids, but from their parents.  

Here are a few things I have noticed:

Kids often run the house.  
Now, I know that sounds crazy, but it is true.  I have seen it over and over again.  The parents bend over backwards to do whatever their children want.  Whether it is a sporting event, a concert, a party, or simply making sure their child gets their own way.  The kids have priority over everything else.  Now, making children a priority is wonderful and I applaud parents who make it a point to spend time with their children, but those kids need to know that they are not the most important person in the world.  It is important that they know that their parents have worth as well.  That the things that are important to their parents are indeed important.  If Mom or Dad want to have a date night and it conflicts with something the child wants to do, well it's ok that that child misses their event from time to time.  They need to know that others are as important as they are.  Knowing this helps them respect others and their time. 

Kids are not allowed to fail.
This is something that has been happening for years and it's terrible.  I remember being a teenager and hearing an adult putting a stop to keeping score at a ball game because they didn't want anyone to lose.  REALLY???  It was insane then and it is insane now.  Kids need to learn not only how to be good winners, but how to act when they lose.  And if they don't learn that, they are sadly unprepared for life...BECAUSE YOU DON'T WIN ALL THE TIME IN LIFE.  I have had children (younger and older children) burst into tears because they lost a simple game in church.  What will happen to that child when they grow up and he/she loses a job, misses out on a promotion, or simply doesn't get the credit they deserve in life.  Will they cry then too? Will they throw a fit and march off in a huff? (Yep, I've had that happen too.) That will earn them lots of friends.  We have to let them learn how to win and lose as children to prepare them for life.  Plus, it helps them to respect the work it takes to win.  Those who work hard do well...those who don't, not so much.  

Parents no longer expect respect.
Parents allow their children to speak to them rudely.  They allow their children to give them attitude and talk back.  When I was a child, if I even tried to be sassy, my parents would have stepped in and put a stop to it.  They let me know in no uncertain terms that that type of talk was not acceptable and THEY MODELED THAT BEHAVIOR WITH THEIR OWN PARENTS.  I saw how they took care an respected their own parents and realized that this was the proper way to treat my parents.  My parents didn't talk back to their parents.  They didn't sass them.  They obeyed them...even as adults.  That is powerful in the eyes of a child.  Words only have meaning if they are followed up by actions.  My parents, then expected me to treat them with respect and I would be punished if I did not.  Did I always "feel" respectful of my parents?  Did I always "want" to do what they asked?  No.  In fact, sometimes I would fume because I didn't agree with them...but I fumed to myself.  I respected their decisions even if I did not always agree with them.  

My friend, Matt posted this on his Facebook page yesterday:
"Our sons will begin listening to their parents and doing what they're told without arguing and excuses. They will show us respect. If I have to quit my job, pull them from school, sell our house, throw away our TV, take away every activity, remove them from every friend and move us to the middle of nowhere, THEY WILL DO IT, or I will die trying."

I really don't expect Matt and his wife, Kristen to move to the middle of nowhere, but I applaud their hard work in this area with their children.  And it is hard work.  I'm not a parent, but even I know it's not easy to discipline consistently.  Sometimes your kids get mad at you.  Sometimes, they might even say they "hate" you (which they don't, but they will say it anyway...I know, because I used to think sometimes that I "hated" my parents, but I never actually did.) Kids get mad at me at church at times because I have rules and I expect them to follow them.  But I learned a long time ago...if they like me all the time, I'm not doing my job right.  They will not always get their way with me.  They won't always like my rules.  But they are my rules and if they want to be apart of the programming I plan, they will follow the rules.  End of discussion.

You might read this and think, "She doesn't have children...she doesn't know what she's talking about."  But here is the bottom line:  In all my years of working with children, this is the constant:  The children who show respect for their elders also have more respect for themselves.  They have more confidence and they have better outlooks on life.  Nine times out of ten, the children who are disrespectful are also more angry and bitter at the world around them.  They lash out more often and generally seem more sad.  That is what I have seen working with children over 12 years in three states.

But they can't learn this on their own.  It has to begin at home.    
 

Some Places Just Feel Like Home

There are some places in the world that just feel like home.  They are the places that when you arrive, you feel like you belong.  You feel at peace with your surroundings and you are always glad to be there.  For me, Trevecca Nazarene University is one of those places.  When I walk onto that campus, it is as if all the worries and problems of life seem to dissipate and I can just relax and enjoy the presence of the Lord.  His peace just seems to permeate the entire campus.

This past weekend, I was thrilled to be able to attend Homecoming at my Alma Mater, Trevecca Nazarene University.  This year was my 15 year reunion (technically, next year would be since I graduated a year late, but why split hairs...the class of 1998 is my class) and it is hard to believe that so many years have passed since I was a student at Trevecca.  Before I started college, I came to campus to visit with a friend of mine and her mother.  At that point, I had been to the campus several times, so I was showing my friend around. When we left the campus, her mom said something that I never forgot.  She said, "I feel such a peace on that campus."  I am reminded of those words when I come back to visit. Many things have changed.  There are new buildings and many of the old buildings have been remodeled to be used in different ways.  There are new teachers, new programs, and new fields of study...but the atmosphere is the same.  There is a peace that can only come from the Prince of Peace.

Homecoming was great fun.  And I loved getting to catch up with old friends and tour old haunts.  But, for me, getting to feel the presence of the Father in a fresh way was just what I needed.  I am so glad that Trevecca is a University that knows the importance of that time with the Father and encourages its students to learn that importance as well.

There is a statue at the main intersection of campus that succinctly
puts what Trevecca aims for it's students to accomplish in life.  As the picture shows...it is a powerful verse.

May we all strive to fulfill His call on our lives.

A few thoughts about Hollywood...

Ok, I'll admit it.  I'm a fan of celebrities.  Not all of them, mind you, but some.  I am interested in who they are and what they do.  Why, you ask?  I have no answer for you, but I think it started when I was a kid.

See, when I was a child, I got $1 a week for an allowance (it would actually end up 90 cents after I took out my tithe) and I loved to read.  But books cost more than $1 and I was never very good at saving for more than a few weeks at a time.  But the TV Guide was about 90 cents to buy and it looked like a book (not like now...now it looks like a regular magazine).  So, I would buy it and read it practically from cover to cover.  They used to have little synopses of all the movies that would be on that week in the back of the magazine and I would read them...especially the ones about old movies. Since we traveled all the time in evangelism, I didn't have many friends that I saw often.  We were in a different town, state, and church every week.  I think it was then that I started to really enjoy following celebrities.  They were the "friends" of my childhood.  I suppose it sounds silly, but I really do think that is where it started.

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not a superfan type stalker person.  I don't idolize these people.  I am just curious about them and hope that they are doing well.  And when a celebrity that I am interested in has a problem, I feel for them.   I pray for them.  After all, these celebrities have a lot of pressure on them and are literally watched constantly.  Can you imagine being watched all the time, every day, and having people just waiting to take a picture or video of some silly thing you might say or do?  I always thought that being a preachers kid was living in a fish bowl, but it's nothing compared to those who choose to brave the lime light.  They deserve our prayers.  If you do not like something you are seeing coming out of the film industry or television, you can bellyache about it, you can rail against the horrible thing you are seeing...or you can pray about it.  Prayer is a powerful tool that I do not think we are using enough when it comes to Hollywood.

We all know that Hollywood influences the people of our society...for good or for not so good.  And most of us will never have a meeting with anyone who has any real influence over what Hollywood puts out.  But we all have open access to the One who is in charge of everything and He has the power to influence people way more than Hollywood ever will.  And we should be praying for those involved with the shows we like as well as those we do not.  These people are influencing our young people in ways we can not imagine.  Some take that responsibility seriously and try to be good influences, others seem not to care at all what their actions say to others.  But no matter who they are, or how they live their lives, they are people Christ died for and they need our prayers.  If they are Christians, they need our prayers for strength and encouragement.  If they are not, they need our prayers all the more.

So, I have decided that for the rest of this year, I am going to choose one television show or movie cast/crew/production team each week and pray for them.  Pray for their safety.  Pray for their families.  Pray for them.  I don't have to know all their names to pray for them.  I know the One who knows all their names.  I'm a firm believer that prayer changes things.

Anyone care to join me?

"We Need A Spaceship!"

Great Friends!  Luke, Jeremy, Me, Lynnette, and Jordan

Last week, I got to take a vacation.  I went to Phoenix, Arizona and spent the week with some very dear friends who I never get to see.  They are like family to me and I am so blessed to be "Aunt Toni" to their son, Luke. It was a joy to spend time with them, see some sights, visit with other friends, and cheer on Jordan at his football game last Friday.


While his parents, Jeremy and Lynnette were at work, I got to take care of Luke.  He is this amazing 3 year old with a huge imagination.  He looks at life with such wonder and excitement.  In fact, there is no problem that cannot be fixed with his new tools that he got for his birthday.

Aunt Toni and Luke

On my first day with him, Luke and I went outside and were watching a hummingbird that was in the tree in their front yard.  As it flitted around (as hummingbirds do) our conversation went something like this:
Luke:  Catch it, Aunt Toni.
Me:  I can't Luke.  It's too high.
Luke:  We need a spaceship!

Then Luke, went about finding and fixing his needed spaceship...which turned out to be the same tree that the hummingbird had enjoyed flying around.  Luke went inside and got his tools, brought them out and went to work.  Soon, he said, "Ok, Aunt Toni!  Get on." (My spot was next to a particular knothole of the tree).

Luke:  Ready?
Me:  Yes.  Where are we going?
Luke:  Uh oh.  It's broken.
Me:  It's broken?  Can you fix it?
Luke:  Yes.

And he would then go about fixing whatever the day's problem was.  Once it needed gas, once the key didn't work, etc.  Each day, he worked...but just because the problem never seemed to go away, he wasn't deterred.  It was just onto whatever the next issue to fix was.  The problems were not really a big deal.  They just had to be dealt with.

I wonder how often we are not as determined as Luke about the problems in our own lives.  When one comes up, do we fix it?  And if we fix it, but it breaks again, do we continue to try or do we just give up?

Too many times, I see people give up on fixable issues.  They live life for "happiness" and if it doesn't make them happy, then they quit.  But what they do not seem to realize is that the joy in life does not just come from the things that make us happy for a moment, but also through the work it took to get to that moment.  And the work it will take to get to the next part of our lives.  Often the things that we have to work on the hardest not only bring us joy, but also satisfaction.  I am happy when I have a birthday party, but I get joy out of throwing one for someone else.  You see the difference?  Both are enjoyable, but joy comes out of the one that requires work.

I can pretty much guarantee you that Luke's Spaceship will never leave Earth, but he sure is having a great time working on it.  He continues to go out and when a problem comes up, he'll "fix" it.  He's enjoying the journey.  For him, building the Spaceship is simply about the job at hand.  He's working on it...and he's not giving up.

Don't be afraid of the adventures that road blocks in life can bring.  After all, road blocks often involve detours, and you can learn a lot from a detour.  They often take us places we would not have thought to go otherwise.  So, next time a road block shows up, what will you do?   Will you give up? Will you worry and fret about the change in direction?  Or will you "build a spaceship" and keep going.  Personally, I agree with Luke.  "We need a spaceship."

Luke and his Spaceship

A Garage Sale In My Future...

I've been trying to figure out how to write this blog for the past few days.  Sometimes, things happen and there are simply no words to express your feelings.  I have been having a few days like that recently.

This past Tuesday night, our church board met and because of some financial issues that are not improving, they decided to eliminate my position at the church.  This did not come as a shock to me because I knew that they would probably have to make a change.  They have been very kind and are giving me until the end of the year (if needed) to find a new position somewhere else.  In the mean time, I will continue to lead the children and teens at our church to the best of my ability.  They are awesome kids and teens and I will miss them, but I am blessed that I got to be a part of the their lives for the past two years and 8 months.

As I look toward the future, at this point, I do not know where I will end up or how quickly a position will open, but I am looking forward to my new assignment and trust that the Lord will open the right door to the right place at just the right time.  He is faithful and I trust Him implicitly.

So, I guess a garage sale is in my future as I start to pack things up.   God is good, all the time.  It is so good to know that though, I do not always know where my life is leading, I know without a doubt Who is leading my life...and I am content to follow His lead.

Ahh...Music

I love music.  I love singing along to old songs and new ones.  I get annoyed when people who are "professional" sing in ways that will hurt their voices in the long run and more annoyed when young people emulate that bad technique because they think it sounds cool.  I wonder how cool they will think it sounds when they get vocal nodes.  But that is beside the point...I love music.  I learn best when something is in a song.  For example, as I posted on Facebook yesterday, if I am counting to twelve, there is almost always the rhythm and tune in my head that I learned on Sesame Street back in the day.  (Click the link to see the video I'm talking about)  This will be stuck in my head forever I think... 

Or, how about the 10 Commandments.  I learned those to a song called "The Perfect Ten" in a musical titled "Angels Aware" back when I was in about 5th grade.  To this day, it is those lyrics that I have to run through in my head when I am discussing the 10 commandments.  Click here to hear "The Perfect Ten"

But the best thing about music is how it can alter your mood.  Sometimes, when I feel like the world is closing in and I need a shot of "get up and go" in order to get something accomplished.  For that, my go to song is Barbra Streisand's "Don't Rain on My Parade."    Somehow, it always recharges me.  Or if it's been a particularly rough day and I just need something to remind me that all will be well again, "Be Still and Know That I am God" by Steven Curtis Chapman is a song that is never too far away.

Over the years, I have learned that one of the all time stress relievers for me is to belt out a song in the car as I go down the road or in my house when no one is around to hear me.  Music is one of God's most amazing gifts and I am blessed by it on a continual basis.

It is because of that, that I am careful about what songs I teach to children.  I don't want to teach them a "fluff" song without a point.  Those are ok on occasion, but whether we realize it or not, these children will remember the music they are taught for the rest of their lives and I would rather have a song with lyrics like, "Ancient Words, every true, changing me and changing you. We have come with open hearts, oh let the Ancient Words impart." (Ancient Words, Group publishing) or "Take the shackles off my feet so I can dance.  I just want to praise You.  I just want to praise You.  You broke the chains now I can lift my hands, and I'm gonna praise You.  I'm gonna praise you." (Shackles, by Go Fish), than a song that has no real message at all.  I won't list those songs, but you know what I'm talking about...

But it goes beyond, what they are taught at church.  What kind of music do you allow your kids to listen to?  Is it uplifting or is it derogatory?  Is the message something you would want your child to learn or is it offensive?  Would the lyrics be something you would allow them to say?  And before you say, "Oh they don't know what that word means, they just like the beat," let me remind you that kids are much smarter than we often give them credit for and even if they do not know the meaning now, they will someday and they will also remember that you had no problem with them singing about it, so it must be an ok thing to do/say/be.

Music is powerful.  It always has been.  But it is important that we use that power to teach things that the Lord would be pleased with and not to instill ideas that are not in our best interests or the best interests of our children.

Well, I've shared some of my favorites...what are some of yours?  

What's right for you???

I am so tired of the phrase, "What's right for you..." fill in the blank.  How did we get here?  Why is it considered so wrong to have a sense of right and wrong in the world.  How did we become so very self centered that we no longer care about our fellow man's well being.  We hide behind phrases like, "It might be right for you..." because we don't want to appear like we disagree.  

We live in a world where someone has to stand up and say, "NO!  THAT'S WRONG!!!"  Is it possible that someone will not agree with what we believe to be right and wrong?  Sure!  That's their right!  They can believe whatever they want, but that's not going to make it any more right or wrong.  If I were wearing a pink shirt, you could scream at me that it is blue until you are hoarse...but it will still be a pink shirt.  So, go right ahead and scream.  Only one of us will look foolish in the end.

I try very hard to not be a political type person.  It simply doesn't do any good to fight online about things because no one will change their mind because of something someone says on the internet.  But with new laws being put into place and discussion happening everywhere, there is something that I simply must voice an opinion about and that is abortion.

So, if you will pardon me for a moment, I must stand up on my soapbox.

Abortion is wrong!!!  It is murder.  It is the taking of a life.  There is nothing okay about that.  Nothing.  And while you might say, "Well, it is not my place to tell someone what they can or can not do with their body", then I have a couple questions for you:

Do you allow people to come up and punch you whenever they please?  If you do not, then you are not allowing those people to do what they would like to do with their body.  After all it is their fist that is hurling at you.  Their arm that is swinging your direction.  Who are you to tell them that they can not do what they like with their own body?

Do you allow people to mistreat children?  After all, they are doing the mistreatment with their own bodies.  They are the ones who are using their arms, legs, fists, or whatever to inflict harm on a child that can not stop them.  But if you stop them, then you are not allowing them to do what they wish with their own bodies. 

 

You can not have it both ways. 

And what about the bodies of those small unborn children?  They have different DNA from their mother and often have a different blood type.  THEY ARE NOT HER BODY!  And, they are totally innocent.  They did not ask for their parents to have sex and create them.  Even if they are a product of rape, they did not ask to be conceived any more that their mother asked to be raped.  They did not commit the crime.  They sit there with no say in the matter at all and yet they are the ones whose lives are taken.  

Why is it murder in many states if one of them is killed in a car accident or if the mother is hurt in some other way, but perfectly okay to take that same life if the mother goes into an abortion clinic.  The unborn child was same amount alive whether it's life is taken in an accident or on purpose.

The next, and most infuriating, argument that I hear is, "Well, if they are born and their parents can't take care of them or don't want them, what kind of life will they have?"  Well, first of all, those parents better quit making babies until they can care for them.  Seriously people.  Don't have sex and you can't make babies!  There is your choice!  If you choose to have sex, well then you had better be prepared for the results.  Don't act all surprised about getting pregnant!  This is not rocket science!  And as for the babies that need good homes...there are families literally all over the world who would give anything for a baby.  

  

Pro-Choice is simply a way for people to make themselves feel better because Pro-Murder would be totally offensive.  

I shall now step off my soapbox.  

I promise my next blog will be much more upbeat and less controversial.